Olympics - Opening Ceremony Running Diary

Here we go. The Olympics. Before I begin, let me just say USA!!!!!!!!! USA!!!!!!!!! SPoRTS WaR is ON!!!!!

800- GW enters stadium. He's like Macho King Randy Savage entering the ring when we was a villain in the WWF.

802. Ceremony begins with drums. Lots and lots of drums. Its quite amazing. No doubt about that.

The Thousand Drummers. (McPickles Photosphere)

803. The drummers are doing the wave. The drums are lighting up. Its like an asian pink floyd show.

805. The lit up drums are counting down the seconds until the ceremony begins. Coolio.

806. SPORTS WAR!!!!! Game on!!!!

807. Nothing like this display since Drago's entrance in the "revenge match" in Moscow.(Rocky IV)

808. More drumming. Some chanting. Reminds me of Johnny and the Cobra Kai's.

809- Really this isn't about racism. This is about Superpower v. Superpower mano y mano Sports War. We are in the Lion's Den.It's time to get nasty. USA!!!!!!

816. Lots of kids singing. Too bad none of them are allowed to have siblings.

818. I am eating bagels and lox from Zabar's and watching the crowd sing the Chinese national anthem. What a bizarre world we live in.

820. A scroll is unrolling on the stadium floor displaying caligraphy and other art. A blank slate too. Dancers are painting on the slate using their bodies as brushes Its quite amazing. There's no doubt about it.

825. While they are still dancing I should report that to mark the occassion of US patriotism, Brent got two chicken sandwiches. One from Wendys. Another from Arbys. Pray for Mojo.

830. Homage to Confucian history and culture. Again pretty amazing. Never seen anything like this. Lots of printing blocks coming up from the stage. They are moving up and down as if the wind is hitting them - apparently a reference to a quote by Confucius.

The Confucian Homage. (McPickles Photosphere)

831. If they had Confucian beef at chinese restaurants, what would it taste like????

833- the blocks now have flowers coming out of them. Jesus this is cool.

835- its amazing how easy it is to get sucked into this and quickly forget that its all being put on by a country that's not exactly angelic. One wonders what magic the Nazis put on at the 36' Opening Ceremony to make people forget....did they just bomb a fake village set up in the middle of the stadium???? What was the commentary like..."Oh Hans, here comes the Luftwaffe to bomb the fake village, Jewstadt. This represents Germany's inner beauty..."

The Opening Ceremony was all shock & awe....Was 36' shock & war??? No doubt. (McPickles Photosphere)

845- Next sketch is up. Homage to maritime tradition. Lots of oars sweeping like a massive wave. Images of the ocean projected on crowd and stadium roof.Again, pretty damn incredible.

849- Lots of hot chinese women in otherwise beautiful costumes walking around. Meanwhile Bob Costas is talking about Mcdonalds' presence in Chin, and wondering if they serve Big Macs and fries. I couldn't make this up.

Wow. (McPickles Photosphere)

851- its official - the Olympic Theme Music is tied for best theme music ever with CBS' college football music.

853- the massive scroll -actually a huge LED screen- is lit up with lang lang in the middle playing the piano. He played rhaphsody in blue with herbie hancock at this past Grammys, and it was exceptional. Wonder what he'll do here...Van Halen's "Right here Right now"???? (Hey!!! Its You're Tomorrow!!!!!)

855- the thousand or so dancers with lang lang are forming a dove...now the bird's nest....Now a massive kite comes into the stadium with a little girl named chow chow harnessed to it. This is visual crack unparalled since the Battle of Helm's Deep in the Two Towers.

901. Homage to Karate (Tai Chi). The Mr. Miyagi karate scene on the beach in Karate Kid was better. No question.

Mega-Karate Action. (McPickles Photosphere)

904- thousands of dudes doing tai-chi with a patch of schoolkids in the middle. Meant to show dangers facin' the kids, like global warming. Pretty fucking retarded for china to do that considering they are one of the worst polluters in the world. I could make another Nazi analogy here but I won't. Fuck it I will. It would be like Nazis at 36' games showing the plight of homosexuals and gypsies. I mean, really, it doesn't get any more retarded than this. I am beside myself. Only this is somehow funny. SPORTS WAR!!!!!!

910. Space Exploration. The scene is space and astronauts are flying around the stadium. A space station is rising out of the floor. Apparently China wants to get to the moon by 2025. People are walking sideways on the station to show zero gravity effect. Again, pretty cool. But really, isn't this sort of like Australia proclaiming space domination??? Step off China, space is america's turf. AMERICA!!! AMERICA!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!

914. Sarah Brightman is singing. This is the global unity segment. I'm confused why they would do this after proclaiming space domination, and further, smacking Tibet all around and committing human rights abuses. I love Sarah Brightman as much as anyone - but this is not a good career move for. It would be like (here it comes) Carmen Miranda or Josephine Baker singing at the 36' Olympics. Note, no one famous sang at the 36' Olympics except Olga Von BIgglesworth (the Bavarian Knockwurst Queen) - which just proves the point.

Von Bigglesworth Rocked the 36' Olympics. (McPickles Photosphere)

920. Ok. Here comes the Parade of Nations and I'm hittin' the town, so I'll now conclude this by saying USA!!!!! USA!!!!! USA!!!!!! (And yes, kick some ass too, Mr. Israel)